Molly and Sparky's Blog

I have been dying laughing over this website!  These are pretty much emails from assholes.  Not safe for kids!    The one below just cracked me up.  You can find the site here:  http://www.dontevenreply.com/

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Kons For Kids

Posted at: 2009-09-01 12:47:05

Original ad:
childcare needed
looking for a responsible and dedicated person to babysit my two children during the week. you will be needed monday through friday, from 7 AM to 4:30 PM. email me at ***********@comcast.net and we can talk about pay. DO NOT EMAIL ME UNLESS YOU HAVE REFERENCES

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Hi there! Are you still looking for someone to fill your babysitter position?

Mike

From **********@comcast.net to Me:

yes i am. please send your info and any past expereince you have.

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Actually, I am not the one applying for the position. I run a rehabilitation program for good people who are trying to enter society again, and have a few candidates who I think would be able to watch your kids. They will work for a much cheaper rate than a professional babysitter, but will still deliver professional service.

Mike

From **********@comcast.net to Me:

what kind of rehab program do you run? injured people or something like that? if you are talking about drug addicts than forget it.

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Absolutely not! Don’t worry, I would never even dare consider having drug addicts watch your children. They are children for pete’s sake!

My rehabilitation program is called Kons For Kids. We help get ex-convicts back on the right track again, by giving them second chances that they deserve. We help them experience the joy of working with children and helping the community. It is often difficult for these ex-cons to get jobs after being released from a correctional facility, but it is a requirement while being on parole.

We have seen lots of success with the program. Most of our clients are extremely satisfied with their ex-con. Despite the negative image that people like to give to ex-cons, they really are loving, caring people.

I have two potential clients in your area, if you are interested. Here is a little info about them:

Derek Schillinger – Derek is a 43-year-old male from the Delaware County area. Just released after serving 17 of 25 years for two counts of third-degree murder. Derek loves to laugh, read, and enjoys long walks on the beach.

Timothy Beecher – Tim is a 36-year-old male who was just released after serving 12 years of his 15 year sentence for armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. Tim was released on good behavior and is ready to get back into the real world. Tim enjoys working with kids, and has six kids of his own with various women in the tri-state area. Before his conviction, Tim was a mid-level cocaine dealer. He knows a lot about economics and business, and would be able to give your children a great education while watching them.

I look forward to working with you. Please let me know which person you were interested in, and I will give their parole officer a call.

Thanks!

Mike

From **********@comcast.net to Me:

wow. kons for kids? that is the stupidest thing ive ever heard!!! who the fuck would let a murderer watch their kids!

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

KFK is a very respectable program. I’m guessing from your apparent issues with murderers, you aren’t interested in Derek. Before you completely rule him out, I would like to point out that he was convicted of third degree murder, which is the most harmless kind of murder. Third degree murder isn’t premeditated murder, and it usually just accidental murder. I talked to Derek, and he said he didn’t mean to kill the guy, he just wanted to hurt him. Please give him another chance.

If you don’t want him watching your kids, I’ll understand. Should I tell Tim you are interested instead?

Mike

From **********@comcast.net to Me:

i dont want tim or derek or any of the other lunatics you try to pass off as babysitters! murder is murder it doesnt matter which way you put it now leave me the fuck alone!

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

I already told Tim that he got the job. Please don’t make me have to give him the bad news.

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Are you still there? It has been three days, and Tim wants to know when he can start working again.

From Me to **********@comcast.net:

Well, I hope you are happy. I had to tell Tim that you weren’t willing to give him a second chance. Tim got so angry that he tried to stab me with a fountain pen. Needless to say, that was considered a violation of his parole and he has been sent back to his correctional facility to serve the remainder of his sentence. You essentially ruined Tim’s life, after he was ready to get back on the right track. You are a horrible person.
Mike